Previously on "The Magicians"...
Are you Santa Claus?
Oh, I'm not... not that.
Magic's gone.
I'm not a magician,
but I could feel it when it was gone,
and I knew it wasn't a coincidence
when I went into remission a week later.
What timeline are you from?
The one where you owe me child support.
I'm kidding.
Kay, then if you want me to help
these students, can you tell me who they are?
Their lives were in grave danger.
I cast a spell that
erased their identities and gave them new ones.
I mean, isn't there anything you can do?
If I reveal that the spell can be reversed,
then someone would reverse the spell.
Bacchus, what are you doing here?
Why do you want everyone thinking you're Ember?
Thanks for popping in.
Oh, my God.
Mis hermanos.
Where were you? We... we looked everywhere...
- Stay back. - Why?
Because I'm not here to play.
Marina.
Why do you look like you're fleeing something?
It's me, Margo, previously known as Janet.
Look, I'm gonna do you a solid.
Don't go up there. Why?
Because there's an uninvited guest in my apartment
who's probably killing your friends right about now.
Look, I don't know what he is, and I'm assuming it's a "he"
because this is some toxically masculine behavior,
but he walked through every ward and shield I had,
set off every alarm.
So instead of going inside,
I'm gonna get a breakfast burrito.
You wanna join?
We have to help them.
Oh, you're one of those.
Fine, you wanna stick your neck out?
There's something inside that can help you.
Do tell.
No traveling.
Where to start?
Order is important with these things.
Who goes first? Who goes last?
Oh, you keep looking at him...
Because you don't want him to die?
Which means he has to go before you.
You care about all of them.
So you're last.
Thank Christ.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Not... Eliot.
This thing has god-level power,
and I have a bad history with gods,
since apparently one killed me.
No, it's fine.
Different me, but I didn't want
to get caught off guard again,
so I called in every favor I had
to build a defense system.
All you have to do is get him to sit in the gold chair.
Why the gold chair?
Because it had to be something,
and everybody wants to sit in the gold chair.
It's total power move.
I'm so glad you came.
Saves me having to hunt you down.
I've got so much of that ahead of me already.
What is he talking about?
He's, uh, hunting gods.
It's vengeance for locking you in the castle.
They did more than that,
and so did you.
You tried to kill me.
You were all part of it.
Then what?
There's a bell on the table.
Ring it.
And he explodes?
He gets a face full of distilled ambrosia.
It's basically meth for gods.
Its gets them high, but an overdose
will knock them on their asses.
Tell me Eliot is still in there somewhere.
Not that I've seen.
Your round, innocent face
will make your death particularly upsetting,
so I've decided to start with you.
I can give you Bacchus.
You're hunting gods,
and I found him hiding someplace far away.
Hiding from you, right?
I can take you there...
if you let them live.
All of them.
Perhaps we can be friends after all.
So where is everyone else?
I don't know.
They were supposed to remain hidden.
I meant to protect you.
Doesn't really seem like I need protection.
I mean, nothing your spell threw at me
even left a scratch.
Reynard did say, even without their powers,
gods are hard to kill.
I wouldn't underestimate the will of Irene McAllister.
Huh.
Tell a few people that you're leaving forever,
and look what the ungrateful bastards do.
Nice.
You know, if the deal is broken
and the McAllisters are coming,
I'm gonna have to warn everyone.
Contacting your friends will put a target on their backs.
To be clear,
you put the target on our backs.
You betrayed us.
Hmm.
I sacrificed everything to bring back magic.
You know what I sacrificed,
and look what you do with it.
Yes, Ms. Wicker,
I made a deal with the goddamn Library,
and in doing so, I saved your lives.
Yeah, well, you're pretty fucking quick to compromise,
you know that?
Now, I need to find my friends, but I can't do magic,
so you're going to cast the locator spell for me.
Dean Fogg. Finally.
I only have a moment.
You know how the Library
contains the books of everyone who ever lived?
Yeah.
The Great Blank Spot is over.
The Library can update their books again.
So, if your friends were to get their memories back,
the Library would know.
They'd try to find them
to keep them safe
from the monster that you warned us about.
You're telling me they have books that describe
every damn thing everyone does or ever will do,
when you're sleeping, when you're awake,
naughty or nice?
You know how much time that would have saved me?
Can we please not with the Santa stuff right now?
Well, could you please not with the angsty, nerdy stuff?
Huh? No, 'cause that's who you are,
and I don't judge you for it.
Dean Fogg was trying to give me a message.
Look, if we escape, they'll just read our books,
find out where we are, and come after us.
So we just take the books with us,
or, uh... or destroy 'em.
But first we have to actually escape.
I can get us to the fireplace.
Just be ready.
All I'm offering is a location.
The rest is on you.
Knowing where Bacchus is
doesn't help me if he runs away,
which he'll do the second I show up.
You see my problem,
and how maybe it is just easier to kill you all.
Do you know what this is?
Where did you get that?
I didn't,
but I know that enough of it will mess up a god long enough
for you to do whatever you need to do.
Excuse me, Margo?
Quick talk?
Could you stop volunteering?
I know Bacchus. He's a friend.
Great.
Then you'll poison him.
He'll never suspect a friend.
I could always kill you.
Awesome.
Great choices.
Well, let's get going, then.
Guys, in case it even needs to be said,
I know Marina.
She is not a helpful person.
So just act accordingly.
Of course I'm getting paid.
The McAllisters have a bounty on your heads,
dead or alive.
The real yous,
not the witness-protection identities.
So you can see how it'd be profitable for me
to get you back to normal.
What are they offering?
- Three Deweys. - What the hell's a Dewey?
As in Melvil Dewey,
the most famous librarian of all time.
He has his own decimal system.
Well, I think you're being generous
with the word "famous."
Okay, so in the new world order,
there's just enough magic in the air
to keep the boring masses fat and happy,
but you got an itch to do something bigger,
you have to file a request with the Library.
They decide if you're trustworthy, and they give you
a cute little battery in the shape of a coin.
They put the faces of famous librarians on there,
but Dewey's the only one people can remember.
Well, and Laura Bush, but Bushes just never stuck.
All right, well, we'll pay the bounty ourselves.
How are you gonna get Dewey's?
I don't know. We'll figure it out.
We always... Sometimes.
Most of the time we do.
Five Deweys to make it worth the delay,
and know that I have trackers on all of you,
so if you try to run, it won't go your way.
Don't drink all my beer.
Seems like this is the place.
It is.
Those are maenads, Bacchus followers.
Get to it, then.
Oh, and if they have pizza, bring me some.
We can still find a way out.
We already did. This is it.
We're doing it right now.
You had a weapon that could have stopped him,
and instead of using it, you gave it to him.
We tried that already
with Julia's god-killing bullet.
All it did was kill the monster's host,
which in this case is Eliot.
Who, for all we know, is dead.
Or he's trapped in there,
forced to watch everything the monster does,
just waiting for us to find a way to help him.
What are you gonna slip the ambrosia into?
I guess I'll make a Fillorian version of his favorite drink.
Margarita, but instead of salt on the rim, it will be...
God meth. Perfect.
Now go poison his ass so we can get out of this malarial swamp.
You know what's incredible?
How you can be such a good friend
and such a terrible friend at the exact same time.
There's not a lot
that I can relate to in this world.
People here are...
well, people, generally,
and me, not so much.
But I relate to you.
I hate being alone.
I don't like being left with my own thoughts,
such as they are.
I need friends.
One way of making friends
is not murdering everyone you meet.
Yes, you get my dilemma,
but you're like me.
Josh said so.
A bad friend and a good friend at the same time.
How do you do it?
I have no choice.
You were friends with Eliot.
Very best friends.
Now you can be friends with me.
It'll be the same.
You can show me how to be more like him.
No.
I love Eliot.
I would do anything for him, even help you,
but you and I, we won't ever be friends...
Unless you let me talk to him.
Prove he's still alive in there.
I can't do that.
But you could let him go.
You could choose a new body.
But I like this one.
I like the way people look at me,
and you and your friends
care so deeply about what happens to it.
Why would I ever leave it?
Hi.
I'm here to see Bacchus.
Um, yeah... I don't know what you're talking about.
Um, it's... it's Ember, s...
"Bacchanal" is the word you're looking for.
Cut the crap, Shoshana.
It's me, Josh, from the Bedsty party.
Come on. Oh, I-
I didn't think you'd remember me.
Well, it's actually... you know,
it's really good that you're here,
'cause he's been darker the last few weeks.
I think a friendly face could really help.
Great.
Hey, Q?
- Oh, my... - Oh, my God.
Hey.
Where have you been? We couldn't find you.
"Enrolled at Brakebills," she said,
fully aware of the irony.
I just, um...
I don't know where to start. Uh...
Have you heard anything about Alice?
No.
No, I mean, not since she completely
screwed us over at Blackspire, why?
Where is everyone else?
If the Library's going to arrest us on sight,
how do we get one of these coins, much less five?
I asked around, so there might be another way.
The Library's official story is that the McAllister family
heroically turned magic back on.
So they gave them a free pass to as many coins as they want.
They give them these special cards
with no limits, no questions asked.
Only a few of them exist, and Hedges
are calling them Black Cards.
We could steal one.
If you steal a credit card,
it only works until it's reported stolen.
With something this valuable,
it's gonna happen pretty damn quick.
Forgery, maybe?
Good enough to fool the Library?
I used to know a guy, a master counterfeiter.
The Beast killed him, but...
But that was in your timeline.
I did know Franky since before Brakebills,
so hopefully your Penny did too.
And hopefully he has the same number.
Damn it.
I still have the DJ's phone.
Well, the good news is your Penny
has the same password as me,
so I'm downloading his contacts right now.
Ugh. So many Insta notifications.
Okay, I got his number. I'll try him.
I can't log in.
It wants to send a text message
to my old phone to confirm,
but if I had my old phone,
why the hell would I be doing this?
Have you talked to your dad lately?
I called him from Brian's phone,
but nobody picked up.
Nobody answers their phone
when they don't recognize the number, right?
You're probably right.
Guys, he picked up.
Oh, I don't think you can park there.
Yeah, I don't think he cares.
Shit just always seems to work out for Franky.
Another timeline?
That's wild.
I thought you were dead. Likewise.
So the Franky I knew was a counterfeiter.
So am I, but for most jobs,
my skills are overkill.
Duping objects to fool regular dopes is simple.
99% of the art you see in museums is fake,
because why waste the real thing
on people who can't tell the difference anyway?
Fooling Magicians, though,
that's where the special sauce comes in.
So what's the MacGuffin?
A Library Black Card.
That's gonna take a lot of sauce.
You know what? Let me get that.
That's probably for me.
- Congratulations... - Not now, guys.
You know what?
Actually, I'm gonna grab...
Thank you. Thanks.
Have a good one.
Are you gonna explain that, or...
- Are they even your size? - They're always my size.
Anyway, uh, Library Black Card.
That's tricky, but I can do it.
Yeah, what'll it cost us?
Whatever you're withdrawing from the Library,
double it.
Ten Dewey coins?
That's like "raise an army of the dead" level magic.
That is a big ask. Yeah.
If my forgery works, it won't matter.
Now, I'm gonna need some stuff.
I'm gonna need at least two minutes with a real Black Card
to use as a mold, two Philly cheesesteaks,
four liters of cherry soda, not store brand...
that's a deal breaker. I know. I know.
And at least a third of a Dewey coin
to get us started.
You need a battery to get more batteries?
Yeah. Call it, uh, seed magic.
Oh, uh... we can't exactly
walk into the Library and just ask for one.
Well, there's a game of Push happening tonight.
What's Push?
It's a card game.
High rollers play for Deweys,
but you can buy in for less.
Any of you good at cards?
A Magic card game is hard under normal circumstances,
but right now the Library's
only putting out enough magic
for small-scale spells.
I mean, one big transformation,
and I'm gonna black out the entire room.
Yeah, it's about efficiency.
Some Magicians are semi trucks,
guzzling magic to do a simple spell.
Some of us are Priuses.
What are you?
A sensible, mid-sized...
What was the one that would always explode?
Yeah, that.
Hey, can we back him up?
No, no, not... not me.
I can't even make a spark.
I'm... well, I'm... kind of persona non grata
at Push games in this city, so...
I just don't want to.
It's a one-on-one game, anyway,
so no backup.
But, uh, good luck.
What do you have to wager?
It's a protection amulet.
It's sort of all-purpose.
It's not good enough.
If you can't buy in, make room for somebody who can.
Uh, wait. Um, he's a Traveler.
I'll wager his exclusive services for 48 hours.
- A year. - A month
- Whoa, hold on. - I won't lose.
But you're a loser.
A month. No questions asked.
Welcome to the game.
Kay, the rules of Push are simple.
It's like the game War.
Two players.
Each draws a card.
High card wins the hand.
When the deck is gone, the game's over.
But the real art of the game is knowing how to cheat.
See, a... a shuffled deck of cards
is not a fixed thing.
It's a cloud of possibilities...
And you can change the odds if you know how.
Put the right card into your hand,
or the wrong card into your opponents.
Wait, what is that?
Rules of Poker.
You'll have to beat three opponents
to win the whole thing.
Shall we?
The more probability spells that you throw around,
the more improbable things can get.
Be careful of those.
They killed Bobby Darin.
The final round is when you play for the Dewey.
Breaking a tie is complicated.
Get the hats.
You throw cards into a hat,
and whichever you sink, you score like a poker hand.
Straight flush.
I'm just saying, what if he loses?
I'm a Traveler.
I'll grab the coin and blip away.
Yeah, and then the people you just robbed
hunt you down and torture you.
So why don't we save that for plan B?
Listen, if you lose this last hand,
it's over.
I think we need
to be ready for plan B.
What is the point of this display?
You've used up all the ambient magic in the room.
I guess we'll just have to play an honest game.
Got it. Perfect.
Now the easy part.
Borrow a Black Card to use as a template.
- Anything? - No.
Why are we going along with this?
Marina killed my mother.
That was a different Marina.
How different?
Are we just gonna hand her a nuclear bomb?
What's the alternative?
We use it against her.
Where does that end?
I'm... I came here to get away from that kind of shit.
You know, I'm getting really sick
of being the voice in the back of the room
that everyone ignores.
The other me, Sam,
did whatever she thought was right,
regardless of what anybody else thought.
I get it...
because where I came from, everyone I cared about is dead.
No other voice to listen to but mine.
But maybe Sam didn't care what anyone else thought
because she was alone.
You aren't.
Whoa.
I got something here.
There's huge energy coming off her purse.
It's gotta be the Black Card in there.
Showtime.
Oh, excuse me, I'm...
I'm... I'm sorry.
Do I know you from somewhere?
I mean, I dabbled in acting.
What have I seen you in?
Let's just say some provocative films of the 1970s.
Interesting.
All finished.
Great. Let's go.
Uh, there is one little thing.
That special sauce I was talking about before.
Most forgers use complicated illusion work.
That's not quite my thing.
Did a bird just bring you a sandwich?
Yeah, I guess she did.
You want it?
Well, I mean, yeah, but...
But what the fuck, Franky?
This is what I'm talking about.
Luck is my discipline.
The forgeries I make give whoever's holding them
insanely good luck.
So nobody even bothers to check
if the thing is fake.
I've done the spellwork so many times,
I'm just sort of encrusted with it.
Luck is zero-sum, so all that bad luck
has got to go somewhere.
It goes into a bear?
Somebody, not me, has to hold that
while the others bring the Black Card to the Library.
And whoever's holding it is gonna have a bad day.
- I'll do it. - No, Jules.
You don't have to. He... It's-it's okay.
It's hard to explain, but I'm kind of bulletproof.
If anybody should have terrible luck,
it should be me.
Why are you bulletproof?
That's none of your business.
Pick it up.
No, no, no, no, no, no, something's wrong.
Uh, whatever "none of my business" shit
is going on with you, it's interfering
with the fortune spell, so set it down.
Set it down! All right.
Dahh...
Looks like you just volunteered.
You awake?
Nope.
It's time.
Anti-magic paint on a magic lock.
Wish I had thought of that before those
book-sniffing bastards ruined Christmas.
Shh.
Which way now?
I don't know. Something isn't right.
This should continue straight.
Well, you made this map
by mind-controlling a cockroach.
Shouldn't we trust our eyes
rather than some shit-eating bug?
No, I think it's an illusion.
There's spellwork on this wall.
Or it's a wall.
This is it. The books of everyone.
You look for yours, and I'll go look for my friends'.
I gotta tell you, it is such a relief
to take off that Ember disguise.
So what have I been missing down on Earth?
It must be bad.
Your chakras are all fucked up.
Oh, yeah.
Uh, we got magic turned back on.
Hey.
And, you know,
one of our friends just betrayed us...
Which is crazy, right?
Like, who would do that?
- Yeah. - I got mind wiped.
Yeah, I was living
as this other dude named Isaac for months.
Um... that is exactly
kind of close to my situation.
So I'm being hunted by this douchebag monster,
and, like, I need a place to crash, right?
That's when I remember
that squirrely little human friend of yours
said that he killed Ember,
and I'm like, "I could take that guy's place."
Live to fuck another day, you know?
It's kind of nice, you know?
Freeing to... to live as someone else for a little bit.
Yeah, I guess.
You know, a famous cocksman once told me,
"Once you've had quantity,
the only thing left is strange."
And, boy, is this place full of strange.
I mean, Isaac's life was great.
Lot of friends, big, uh... family.
But eventually, it... it all ends,
and your old life,
your old problems,
they catch up to you.
Or your problems never find you
and the party goes on forever.
Oh, look at that, I'm dry.
Is that... did you make for me?
- Yes. - Josh special?
Uh, yes. I... I made it for you.
You and me, Joshy, we're the same.
We're born to be the perfect hosts.
We want everyone around us to have a good time.
We make sure of it.
Nobody does the same for us.
Mm-mm.
This is to Josh, not to Isaac.
This is to the real you.
I'm sorry.
I... I pee-peed in it,
and you don't... you don't drink that.
So...
This the dumbest plan.
Franky says the disguises won't matter.
If the Black Card works, nobody will question them.
I feel like an idiot.
Excuse me, sir.
You have a fresh look.
Have you considered modeling?
Kay, it's just soup.
Can't choke. It's not scalding.
It's totally safe.
Oh, look at that line. This is gonna take forever.
I've been thinking, while we're here,
we should get a bit extra.
Five for Marina, five for Franky, ten for us.
We'd have to be insanely lucky to get that much.
The more luck we get, the more bad luck Quentin gets.
When this is over, the McAllisters
will still be after us.
We'll need to do some major cloaking spell.
It could kill him.
Hey! There's a truck outside
giving out free ice cream!
I mean, two extra coins can't hurt.
It's... it's all good. Soup spills all the time.
Thanks.
Damn it.
How the hell do you get a paper cut from a paper towel?
- Welcome. - Hi.
So how can I help you today?
We need twelve contained current coins.
- Here. - No, God.
Keep it away.
Everything looks in order.
Just need to check one little thing.
Shoot.
Did you hear something?
Where did it come from?
Out of the... toilet.
All right, then, I'll send this requisition
to the home office, and they'll return your coins.
I thought you said your phone wasn't working.
It's a voicemail from my mom.
Do you think...
Q.
It's got to be about my dad. I'm not gonna...
No, Q, the bear.
Okay.
Oh.
Your request has been flagged
for follow-up with a supervisor.
Wait here, please.
A requisition follow-up for you.
Christ, can it wait?
Fine.
Sorry, I can't see for shit.
This bloody thing's making me crazy.
Do you mind? No.
Do... do your thing.
What do I do?
Just, please, don't listen to it
until we hear back from Penny and Katie.
Oh, shit!
Oh, Jesus Christ, now I've got it in backwards.
About those coins.
Listen, the truth is,
the red tape, the paperwork,
it's, in my mind, all just a wank.
You guys gonna blow yourselves up?
- No. - No?
Great.
Requested... approved.
Sorry about the inconvenience.
Thank you very much. You have a good day.
Jesus, shit.
Okay, they did it. Drop the bear!
It really came out of the...
I don't want to talk about it.
Thank you, brother.
I had a feeling things would work out,
because they always do.
By the way, I'd destroy those ASAP.
They'll be out of juice soon,
but you don't want to take any chances.
I'm on it.
You nutsacked out, didn't you?
Oh, well, "pussied out" makes perfect sense here?
Well, if you mean that I couldn't go through with it,
then, yes, you're right.
Josh, we don't have a choice here.
Now, where is the rest of the Ambrosia?
Fine, but just know that Bacchus
will never drink anything you give him.
Oh, I'm not gonna give it to Bacchus.
Yeah, I'm gonna dump it in there.
Everyone'll drink it.
Are you nuts? There are over 100 people here.
You have no idea what that will do to them.
Well, I'm pretty sure it'll fucking kill them.
And I'll do it, unless you start acting
like a real pussy
and take one for the fucking team.
Hey, uh, I'm sorry about...
We've all peed in things we regret.
I know gods are supposed to be distant and unknowable,
but you're a good guy.
I want to tell you a secret.
What did you put... in this?
I found my book.
Now let's get the hell out of here.
I can't find my friends' books.
"The following books have been removed from circulation
for revisions. Q. Coldwater, A. Quinn."
They're filling in the endings of our books...
the pages that were missing
because of the Great Blank Spot.
Nick?
Hey, I'm sorry about your friends' books,
but this is our chance.
Come with me. I can't.
I... I can't leave without their books.
Well, I want to do the...
Look, just go, while you still have the chance.
Okay, I can find the Revision Room on my own.
For what it's worth,
you're still on my Nice List.
The fuck?
Do you remember me?
Because I don't.
I don't remember my name or where I came from.
But I remember you.
You took something from me, something important,
and then you... threw me in a cage,
and I would like for you to explain.
You remember all that,
but you don't remember what you are,
what you did.
The word "monster" has been thrown around.
That's right.
We put you with the rest of your kind.
And I ate them.
You're kind of making my case for me here.
We have the same parents.
Why am I a monster and you're a god?
If you don't want to be a monster,
then let me go.
Give me back what you took from me,
and maybe I will.
I can't... ever.
I'm sorry.
It was a part of me,
and now it's a part of you.
Burning in your body.
Wait. Wait.
This world needs me.
Its god is dead.
You don't have to do this.
There's others. There's still time.
We can figure something out.
It doesn't have to be me.
It doesn't have to...
What the fuck did he just rip out of him?
Whatever it is, to a fairy eye,
it's like staring straight at the sun.
They're real.
Well, it's been a pleasure.
The trackers on us?
Not actually a thing.
You guys are too lawful good to bitch out.
- Marina. - Hmm?
I've been looking for you.
Excuse me, miss.
These are free to a good home.
Are you interested?
Hey, are you sure Marina's apartment's
the safest place for us to meet?
It's not Marina's.
It's mine.
What did you do?
I handled the problem.
Now, can we do this cloaking spell
before the McAllisters show up and kill all of us?
Hey.
You haven't listened?
You know, your bad luck's gone.
Safe as it'll ever be.
But that's not what's really stopping you.
The other me...
Brian,
his dad died when he was a kid.
He was too little to even understand.
All of his problems were like that.
No sharp edges.
Yeah.
Look at us.
We paid a hell of a fucking price.
You gave up being a goddess.
I gave up my father.
What did we get in return?
Magic is back.
Mm-mm, not in the way that we wanted.
How are you not furious?
Because, for almost everyone, the world is a little brighter,
even if they never know why.
I hate the Library for what they did,
but my part in it, I knew what it cost.
And I'd do it again.
But you wouldn't.
Will you sit here for a minute?
Yeah.
Hi, Quentin.
Sorry to leave a message with bad news.
I need to talk to you about your father.